a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
