Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
