Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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