We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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