currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
