She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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