life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
