I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
