you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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