just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
