I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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