the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
