Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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