We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
