Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
