..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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