just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
