I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
