the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
