What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
