He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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