I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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