Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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