What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
