Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Barsexuality is the new black.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
