Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
