So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
