All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
