Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
