So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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