Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
