4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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