I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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