i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
