You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
