he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
