4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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