And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
