All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize