I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
