my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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