It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
sex in a hospital.. check
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
