in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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