you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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