i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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