In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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