we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
