my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
