some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
