just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
