I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
