Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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