Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We named our party play list daddy issues
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
