Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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