Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize