Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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