i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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