What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
