mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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