Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
