Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
