So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
