I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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