have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
