So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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