You really coming over, don't trick.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
