Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
