my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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